Many thanks, Mr Gamgees, and Sir Mumbles.
It may, or may not, interest you to know that, recent setbacks notwithstanding, the PR machine continues apace.
It seems the unfortunate and unauthorised disclosure of my plans can be traced back to the subversive activities of my erstwhile, and treacherous, assistant.
Quite how the respectable J.Iscariot Recruitment Services Ltd came to send me such a disloyal knave, is truly beyond me (and particularly considering their insistence upon being paid in silver makes them already somewhat difficult to do business with).
Certainly there were no warning signs... Why even the most discerning eye, and the most considerable intellect, would surely have failed in their scrutiny of the fellow.
Even his name, that being 'Ettu Brute', would yield no clue as to his untrustworthy nature, and I could find nothing untoward in its seeming whatsoever... Though now as I come to think on it, Ettu Brute may not have been his real name at all.
Nonetheless, it is of little consequence, for I have the utmost confidence in his successor... a Mr Benjamin Edward Richard T'Arnold... Who for some strange reason insists upon his forenames being shortened to Ben, Ed and D*ck, respectively... Oh well... We all have our quirks, I suppose... And to be honest I find this peculiarity of his delightfully eccentric.
Anyway, onwards and upwards... Should be plain sailing from here on out.
Re: Hippocrates or Hypocrite?
#13Regretfully, Diablo, the prospect of a meeting is an unlikely one presently, as I once again find myself in the rather unenviable position of being without an assistant to arrange and schedule such matters for me.
Impressively, it has taken Ben Ed D*ck T'Arnold less than 24 hours, it seems, to not only alert the authorities to various nefarious side projects that I am currently engaged in (to include the creation of a clone and / or zombie army), but also for him to take out a fraudulent loan in my name with the Bank of Evil... and additionally, I should say, to elope with my favourite Femme-bot assassin!
This latter incident being in spite of my reservations regarding the very inclusion of emotion chips, and which were duly raised with Dr Strange during the android's development phase.
Unfortunately, Dr Strange, or Strangelove as he is known in some circles (though quite why this is, I am unsure, and what he gets up to in his spare time is his own affair anyway), apparently takes to consider himself a bit of maverick when it comes to scientific endeavours... By which I assume he deems not to observe the regular definition of 'maverick' adopted by most of us mere mortals, but rather a variant version that encompasses specifically the term 'arrogant douche'.
Needless to say, I am now left frustrated and pondering the question as to why it would seem so hard to find some decent, honest and hardworking individuals, who would also, as it happens, be open to the notion of serving as my faithful and obedient evil minions... It simply confounds me!
Certainly there would appear to be a huge gap in the market for such people, and when it comes to evil recruitment needs... Especially so far as external agencies are concerned... So perhaps instead of looking to outsource the matter, I should task my own Inhuman Resources Department with finding the solution in future.
Impressively, it has taken Ben Ed D*ck T'Arnold less than 24 hours, it seems, to not only alert the authorities to various nefarious side projects that I am currently engaged in (to include the creation of a clone and / or zombie army), but also for him to take out a fraudulent loan in my name with the Bank of Evil... and additionally, I should say, to elope with my favourite Femme-bot assassin!
This latter incident being in spite of my reservations regarding the very inclusion of emotion chips, and which were duly raised with Dr Strange during the android's development phase.
Unfortunately, Dr Strange, or Strangelove as he is known in some circles (though quite why this is, I am unsure, and what he gets up to in his spare time is his own affair anyway), apparently takes to consider himself a bit of maverick when it comes to scientific endeavours... By which I assume he deems not to observe the regular definition of 'maverick' adopted by most of us mere mortals, but rather a variant version that encompasses specifically the term 'arrogant douche'.
Needless to say, I am now left frustrated and pondering the question as to why it would seem so hard to find some decent, honest and hardworking individuals, who would also, as it happens, be open to the notion of serving as my faithful and obedient evil minions... It simply confounds me!
Certainly there would appear to be a huge gap in the market for such people, and when it comes to evil recruitment needs... Especially so far as external agencies are concerned... So perhaps instead of looking to outsource the matter, I should task my own Inhuman Resources Department with finding the solution in future.
Re: Hippocrates or Hypocrite?
#14Having decided to take my own exceptional advice, and handle all matters of recruitment in-house, I have compiled the following job description for those whom it may concern.
Job title: Evil minion / assistant.
Hours of work: 24/7, for evil never sleeps (or if it does, then it is only to take the odd power-nap when no one is looking).
Salary and perks: Pay is exclusively in the form of fun... More fun than one could ever hope to possibly imagine in fact... And that's a cast iron guarantee!
*Disclaimer: Actual levels of fun may vary from person to person, and are therefore likely to be significantly lower than advertised (if, indeed, present at all).
What you will need:
Must be proficient in the application of all known cloning techniques, and concurrent in all processes for the reanimation of non-living tissue.
As a side note, the ideal candidate should also be an accomplished tailor... Remember, just because the undead are generally little more than mindless killing machines, does not mean that they cannot dress fabulously while going about their unsavoury business... There is no rule, after all, that states the undead need to be untidy rascals.
*I do realise, of course, that once an individual becomes one of the undead, their priorities in life (or un-life) will undoubtably change... yet regardless of what value they might place on their own appearances, it should be remembered that I shall still have to look at them from time to time... Why, even this very morning, my own undead butler (Jeremy) turned up wearing little more than jeans and a t-shirt, would you believe! And not even a clean t-shirt at that! I sometimes wonder what the world (or end thereof) is coming to... But I digress...
A list of the other qualities my assistant will require, are to be found listed below:
Must be capable of keeping a clear head in a fight, and thereto delivering pun's and witty one-liners (or 'punchlines', if you will) as, and when, they are appropriate.
Must not... Repeat, must not... Become emotionally entangled and elope with any fem-bot assassins... And I really can't stress this last point enough, people.
Must not take out fraudulent loans in your employer's name with the Bank of Evil.
Must not use aforementioned tailoring skills, and in order to craft themselves a cape more flamboyant or 'jazzy' than my own.
Must not go running to the Health and Safety department, every time Dr Strange merely requests to replace the odd body part of theirs, and with that of an animal or robot.
Must have a strong work ethic and strive for excellence in the field of evil... If you are asked to oversee a project involving the creation of a flying monkey, for example, do not triumphantly present me with my pet parrot (Julien) gaffer taped to the back of a marmoset (shakes head in Cyprus' direction)... Two animals and some electrical tape, does not a composite creature make... In the same way that a taxidermied chihuahua fixed atop an RC toy vehicle, is not quite as effective a deterrent as the undead hellhound requested!
Last, but not least, must not consume sandwiches clearly labelled 'Magustra's lunch' from the recreation room refrigerator... I mean, come on, people! It says it right there... It is it really too much to expect a little food etiquette around here?
Successful applicant's will be notified in due course, and appointments scheduled for the implantation of their explosive brain tracking devices... Oh, yeah, almost forgot... Must also be open to the implantation of explosive brain tracking devices.
That is all.
Magustra
Job title: Evil minion / assistant.
Hours of work: 24/7, for evil never sleeps (or if it does, then it is only to take the odd power-nap when no one is looking).
Salary and perks: Pay is exclusively in the form of fun... More fun than one could ever hope to possibly imagine in fact... And that's a cast iron guarantee!
*Disclaimer: Actual levels of fun may vary from person to person, and are therefore likely to be significantly lower than advertised (if, indeed, present at all).
What you will need:
Must be proficient in the application of all known cloning techniques, and concurrent in all processes for the reanimation of non-living tissue.
As a side note, the ideal candidate should also be an accomplished tailor... Remember, just because the undead are generally little more than mindless killing machines, does not mean that they cannot dress fabulously while going about their unsavoury business... There is no rule, after all, that states the undead need to be untidy rascals.
*I do realise, of course, that once an individual becomes one of the undead, their priorities in life (or un-life) will undoubtably change... yet regardless of what value they might place on their own appearances, it should be remembered that I shall still have to look at them from time to time... Why, even this very morning, my own undead butler (Jeremy) turned up wearing little more than jeans and a t-shirt, would you believe! And not even a clean t-shirt at that! I sometimes wonder what the world (or end thereof) is coming to... But I digress...
A list of the other qualities my assistant will require, are to be found listed below:
Must be capable of keeping a clear head in a fight, and thereto delivering pun's and witty one-liners (or 'punchlines', if you will) as, and when, they are appropriate.
Must not... Repeat, must not... Become emotionally entangled and elope with any fem-bot assassins... And I really can't stress this last point enough, people.
Must not take out fraudulent loans in your employer's name with the Bank of Evil.
Must not use aforementioned tailoring skills, and in order to craft themselves a cape more flamboyant or 'jazzy' than my own.
Must not go running to the Health and Safety department, every time Dr Strange merely requests to replace the odd body part of theirs, and with that of an animal or robot.
Must have a strong work ethic and strive for excellence in the field of evil... If you are asked to oversee a project involving the creation of a flying monkey, for example, do not triumphantly present me with my pet parrot (Julien) gaffer taped to the back of a marmoset (shakes head in Cyprus' direction)... Two animals and some electrical tape, does not a composite creature make... In the same way that a taxidermied chihuahua fixed atop an RC toy vehicle, is not quite as effective a deterrent as the undead hellhound requested!
Last, but not least, must not consume sandwiches clearly labelled 'Magustra's lunch' from the recreation room refrigerator... I mean, come on, people! It says it right there... It is it really too much to expect a little food etiquette around here?
Successful applicant's will be notified in due course, and appointments scheduled for the implantation of their explosive brain tracking devices... Oh, yeah, almost forgot... Must also be open to the implantation of explosive brain tracking devices.
That is all.
Magustra
Re: Hippocrates or Hypocrite?
#16It's difficult to say, in all honesty, chap. All of my posts are typed on my phone (and seldom without distraction)... Not to mention the fact that my typing has all the grace and seeming of an ape hitting a nut with a large stone.
If I had to hazard a guess though, I'd say it falls somewhere between 5 and 25 minutes (in extreme cases) and subject to both the nature and size of the posting.
If I had to hazard a guess though, I'd say it falls somewhere between 5 and 25 minutes (in extreme cases) and subject to both the nature and size of the posting.