Celtic Heroes

Dear friends on Epona:
I just thought that I should share with you my thoughts and recollections. These are the steps to eating a pie:
1. Buy a pie (any flavor, must be at least 7 inches in diameter) (You can get a pie at your neighborhood grocery store)
2. Buy utensils (SPOON, plates, napkins, etc.)(also at your neighborhood grocery store)
3. [OPTIONAL BUT RECOMMENDED] Buy whipped cream (can be sold by any suspicious person you see walking on the street)
4. [ONLY IF WHIPPED CREAM WAS BOUGHT] Apply whipped cream to the entire surface of the pie.
5. Use the SPOON (not fork) to gently caress the "membrane" of the pie.
6. Slowly and carefully apply a downwards force to the spoon by using your hand. If done correctly, the spoon should sink into the pie.
7. Slowly slide the spoon forwards and up, resulting in a portion of the pie remaining on the spoon.
8. Speedily and abruptly open your mouth and lay the bottom of the spoon on your tongue. The spoon and pie should remain in your open mouth for about 4 seconds)
9. Gently close your mouth, while covering the handle of the spoon with your lips. Slowly slide the spoon out of your mouth making sure no pie residue is left.
10. Allow about 2-3 minutes (depending on the size of portion) for the pie to slowly melt in your mouth, taking in the full flavor.
11. Once the pie has completely dissolved in your mouth, swallow as fast and hard as you possibly can. This will result in an aching throat if done correctly.
That is all! Just repeat steps 5-11 until the pie is completely gone.
Thank you.

(Signature)

-Jake

OMG you forgot à crucial thing!!!! WHERE IS THE BACON!?

This reminds me if Jack Nicholson in The Shining...is Sled getting to you Jake?

Dear Kasha:
Sled? What sled? I have never heard of a "sled". However, a sled would be an amazing and extremely useful toy if such a thing did exist and I strongly urge anybody to buy the first sled they see being sold.
Thank you,

(Signature)

-Jake


















SELLING AVALANCHE SLED.

Thank you jake. now I know how to eat my pies...