Celtic Heroes

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Your Best Jokes

#1
Hi guys, I dont know if its been done before, but this is a joke compilation thread!
Simply add some jokes that you like, and when you are feeling down or whatever come here and laugh! :mrgreen: :lol: :D

Sooo lets start!



A mother took her son to church.
While in church the boy said, “Mom, I have to pee.”

The mom boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.”

The next Sunday, the boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.“

The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear.”

P.S Try keeping it clean!


*Page 3 is quite meaningless because people quoted this huge store, may consider skipping*
Last edited by Heroic on Fri May 24, 2013 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mage - 196
Ranger - 182

'Not just a team, we are a country'
#ARG #daretodream

Re: Your Best Jokes

#2
Another one!

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!", the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand.
"You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the
Church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman.. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?. Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister! agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied,
"W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ------o-o-o-or-------- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"

BTW i got this from a website but it made me laugh. :mrgreen: :lol:
Mage - 196
Ranger - 182

'Not just a team, we are a country'
#ARG #daretodream

Re: Your Best Jokes

#3
Last one! THIS IS HILARIOUS!

There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle. His servant came up to him and the captain said, "bring me my red shirt".

So, the servant did as the captain said.

After that the servant came up to the captain and said, Why did you say bring me my red shirt"?

The captain said, "Well if i get shot they won't see the blood.

The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, "There are 50 ships on the horizon."

The captain said, "Bring me my brown pants."

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Mage - 196
Ranger - 182

'Not just a team, we are a country'
#ARG #daretodream

Re: Your Best Jokes

#6
How many California girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I dunno?
5?
0?
:shock:
Hella! :lol:
"We don't agree because our experience brings us to opposing views. That's life. At the end of the day there's no reason to go against how you see it. The choice is yours."

Re: Your Best Jokes

#7
Okay so im putting this into man 1 and man 2

1) Why'd the chicken cross the road?

2) Why?

1) To get to the morons house.

1) Knock knock.

2) Whose there?

1) The chicken :)

Think about it...
Rogue-Vision-167
Druid-Coriolass-125
Warrior-Herrick-101
Ranger-iShootYou-81
Mage-FireSight-77

Re: Your Best Jokes

#8
Okay so im putting this into man 1 and man 2

1) Why'd the chicken cross the road?

2) Why?

1) To get to the morons house.

1) Knock knock.

2) Whose there?

1) The chicken :)

Think about it...
Haha
:mrgreen:
Mage - 196
Ranger - 182

'Not just a team, we are a country'
#ARG #daretodream

Re: Your Best Jokes

#9
A hilarious riddle, getting you pervs to think :D
Nah jokin Lol

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it? Answer below!




















Answer is:
Last Name
Last edited by Heroic on Sun May 05, 2013 8:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mage - 196
Ranger - 182

'Not just a team, we are a country'
#ARG #daretodream

Re: Your Best Jokes

#10
Am i the only one posting...?

Here goes another one!

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
Mage - 196
Ranger - 182

'Not just a team, we are a country'
#ARG #daretodream

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